Ok, real talk…..4 am is WAY too early to jump around and lift heavy things.

Cue the song “Jump Around” in your head….that is not going to go away anytime soon….you’re welcome.

Ok, you’re right, that was mean….here’s a link to the song on Youtube to help you get it out of your skull while you read the rest of my confession.

Two weeks ago, I committed myself to exercising every day…including getting up before 4 am to go out to our garage and exercise. If you have no idea what I am referring to, check out my thoughts on exercise in Self-Care Before 4 am. Then head back here to find out my progression since.

Alright, on to confessions…. First of all, turns out trying to keep hubby from learning that he was right was never going to work….I should have known he would be nosy and (possibly more importantly) take pictorial evidence of that confession, which I will never live down.

Secondly, I drastically underestimated how much #teacherlife and #momlife distracts me from taking care of myself. I mean seriously, you would think that getting up an hour before everyone else would give me plenty of time for “me-time”. But….life happens…..bottles need to be cleaned, and socks need to be washed, children woke up more times during the night than usual, and then the tossing and turning because anxiety over that IEP meeting scheduled for next week….all these things got in my way. No, I’m here to be honest….I put them in my way to excuse my not getting up to take care of me.

That is what I do…..all the time. I find things to do; “important” things that need to be done, and use those chores as my excuse for not having time to put myself first. Do you do that? I slept in past my exercise time, and used everything I do as my excuse for being too tired to exercise.

It seems like every single time I set aside time for me, SOMETHING happens….whether it’s a poopy diaper, or paperwork for a meeting, that load of laundry I really “have” to get done before Monday, a dog being sick, or mandatory fun time at a school event….and my “me time” is gone. But that is the thing about priorities….you WILL find the time to do the things that are important to you.

When I am completely honest with myself, I have to admit, the reason everything else gets in the way is because I consistently prioritize everyone and everything above myself.

Hold UP!

I see myself as less important than IEP paperwork? I see my well-being as less important than that load of laundry? I place dirty dishes above my mental health? Wow….yeah, when I start thinking about it in terms of where I rank MYSELF…..that makes me see that my outlook has to change.

Yet, as I sit here with “Jump Around” running through my head, I can’t help but be reminded that THIS is what we, as teachers, have conditioned ourselves to do. Before I entered teaching, my professors drilled into me that we “didn’t get into teaching for the pay.” Meaning, we were willingly sacrificing the money we could make in other fields in order to teach. This sentiment is repeated and drilled into new teachers as we talk about how the students are worth the work, the long nights, the lost lunches. As a group of professionals, we laugh about how long we can wait between restroom breaks, and joke about the number of UTIs contracted.

We joke about sacrificing our physical health in our pursuit of educating others.

Teachers are striking across this country because they want better teaching environments FOR THEIR STUDENTS. We tolerate low pay, contact violations, and conditions which have negative impacts to our long term physical health year after year. When I check out the actual breaking point for when teachers finally go on strike….I see a pattern that the final straw is the teachers are no longer able to shield their students from the terrible working and educational conditions. We will sacrifice all of ourselves to educate our students, and we do it willingly.

Teachers embody the true meaning of sacrifice, and we MUST stop if we are going to improve education in the long term.

Teachers, myself included, must stop accepting intolerable working conditions. We must stop accepting abuse from students, parents, and even administrators. No other profession would tolerate being lambasted the way the teaching profession accepts the abuse. Doctors would not tolerate their patients hitting, kicking, biting, or spitting on them….why do we? Lawyers would not tolerate being torn apart or potentially losing their license because their client was held in contempt for poor conduct in court. An accountant would not dream of taking personal responsibility for a client providing incorrect documents at tax time. Yet we accept the blame for students who made poor choices, behaved badly, or physically abused us….why?…..because that is just what teachers do.

We are told that everything that happens in our classrooms is a direct result of what we do and how we do it. And we believe it….despite the fact that kids who haven’t eaten all weekend are GOING to enter our classrooms with an inability to concentrate no matter what bells and whistles we use in our lessons. We believe it despite the fact that kids are in our classrooms who are homeless, abused, dealing with a sick parent or sibling, dealing with divorce, a step-parent, a new sibling, their parent just deployed, their parent just came home from deployment, or they had the flu last week and missed a week of school. Teachers sacrifice their time, their energy, their money, and their physical and mental well-being because we buy into the idea that WE are ultimately responsible for the futures of every single student in our classrooms.

With this kind of weight on our shoulders, how in the world do we ever prioritize ourselves?

I speak with older teachers; teachers who have a much healthier work-life balance, teachers who are GREAT teachers, who love their students dearly and educate them, and come back the next day energized and ready to do it all over again. Time and time again these teachers remind me that, while we FEEL solely responsible for the futures of our students, we are ACTUALLY responsible for their education. We are responsible for making sure that our students leave our classrooms at the end of the year able to perform skills appropriate for their grade and age level. We are responsible for the safety of our students while they are in our care. THAT IS IT.

Do not get me wrong, I love my students dearly. I laugh and I cry with them as they experience success and failure. But I am one person working with 120 kids a day in high school. I am one teacher in their school careers. Educating these children is all of our responsibility…..this responsibility we share, and I am proud to share this responsibility with some of the most amazing, caring, intelligent, dedicated professionals out there. I am reminded that an ENT does not attempt to take responsibility for a fractured ankle, or a lawyer take responsibility for a person experiencing a stroke. We all must do our parts to help the whole student, and trust our professional partners to do their part as well.

As soon as I put my life, my profession, into this perspective, a huge weight is lifted from my shoulders. I will always care for my students, and do my absolute best for them. Yet, I am one person. I can do what I can do, and what I can do is severely limited by the continued sacrifice of my physical and mental health. To be the best teacher I can be, I must do less. I must take responsibility for less. I must prioritize me.

I am a dedicated teacher and mother who has routinely sacrificed herself because I feel so much responsibility for others. I feel guilty for taking care of myself when so many others depend on me. My time has not been my own.

This must change. Not overnight. Not tomorrow. But slowly. Small steps. My self-care needs to become my priority…..My health….mental and physical….cannot be sacrificed to the pile of laundry any more….. Time to fight for me as hard as I fight for my children and students.

But….I still hate exercising……. Give me poopy diapers or puking kids over jogging any day…..except at 4 am…..that is MY time. I will make it mine.

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I have told my students many times over the years that the reasons we have horses and cars is because I am not meant to run. They think I am joking when I say this. They are incorrect.

My husband, being in the Army, is more tolerant of exercise. Oh, who am I kidding? The man loves it. The idea of picking up and putting down heavy things makes him smile (sadistically according to his gym buddies). He could talk for hours about different exercises and their benefits….and do NOT get him started talking about how much weight he picked up and put down in his most recent gym session.

I would rather teach the last week of school in a kindergarten classroom full of cupcake inhaling children than go to the gym.

Yet, several times over the years I have participated in the random exercise session for self-care. I will admit, it DOES make me feel better afterward. Not during….oh no, not during. I am the single most hateful, angry, spoiled brat during the exercise session….but afterward….yes, I do feel better. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES IS MY ADMITTING THIS TO BE LEAKED TO MY HUSBAND. He will try to get me to pick up and put down heavy things WITH HIM, and I do not know if our marriage can handle that. Constant moving, changing jobs, buying and selling houses, two children, mountains of diapers and laundry….no biggy……gym buddies? Not a chance. Everyone has their limits. And my horrible attitude while exercising may be his.

But, burn out is setting in. I have to do something different if I want different results.

I have tried essential oils, calming breaths, hot showers, coffee, no coffee, coffee again because that was a horrible idea, chocolate, drinking more water, drinking less soda, scheduling my time better, making to do lists, ripping up to do lists, and quilting. Yes, quilting….it was surprisingly relaxing…..except when the sewing machine was ruining my fabric….then not so much with the relaxation. All this in an effort to exercise self-care.

Anyway, I have tried lots of stuff. Some worked for a little while, some not at all. I mean, honestly, WHY would I think that giving up coffee would be a good idea?? Yet, despite my attempts, nothing has worked for longer than a few days. So, in one of our many conversations about the load on teachers, my husband reminded me how exercising has, in the past, made me feel better. As much as I hate to admit it, he is right. So….dun dun dun….I have come up with a trial run to help me avoid burnout. I am going to get up every weekday morning and *gag, sputter, choke on the word* exercise.

But the thing is….I work an hour away from my house, and teachers have to be in the building by 6:45 am….oh, and I have two kids to get to daycare every morning….so back all that up, I am up at 4:30 every morning…..or I was, before I decided to exercise in the mornings before work. 3:45 is my new wake-up call….and yes, I HATE it. Why not exercise at night? Well….as soon as we get home its dinner and bed for the baby, then the “big kid hour” for my 4 year old. He’s in bed about 7, which means I then have about two hours to get my mommy and teacher chores done if I want to not be a zombie the next day….also, I am not a night-owl….

The one thing I hate more than exercise is how foggy my brain gets when I am really tired.

So, this week (it’s only Tuesday, so I won’t be applying for any awards quite yet), I have gotten up at 3:45 and done my exercises. As much as I hate to admit it….I do feel better….sore….but more positive….tired…but was more awake throughout the day….embarrassed that I struggled to hold my arms up to write on the board today…but proud that I did that many pushups.

So….my husband was right….at least so far….the exercising does make me feel better. But more importantly than the current extra endorphins running through my veins, is the commitment I have made to take care of myself.

This is the one thing that I do just for me. Perhaps, just doing something for me is all I really needed for self-care.

Since data and progress monitoring ARE my jam (as opposed to exercise), I thought I would share some of my stats from my exercise this morning. I didn’t count everything….mostly because I couldn’t breathe, but also because it is all timed intervals and all I could think of was when would it end. BUT….here are a few of my stats. I have committed myself to do this for 1 month, so hopefully at the end of this 30 day journey I will feel better and be able to see my own progress. That’s worth something, right?

• 5 minutes of terrible jump roping (I’m going to need to work on this)
• 21 Push-ups total
• 30 jumping lunges
• 12 Burpees

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For the next installment on this *epic* self-care journey, follow me to: Confessions of a Lazy Teacher.

The post Self-Care Before 4 am appeared first on Teaching Struggling Learners.